Script Read Example

What did you like about this script? 

The originality of the story is what is most enjoyable. There is a whimsical nature throughout the whole story, especially at the points where the mother's voice is acting as the voice of the characters in her story. That adds a comical energy to the script. It also keeps to the bedtime story theme throughout. 

From reading the title, you don't quite know what to expect, you definitely don't expect it to be about a mother telling her daughter a bed time story. And that's a good thing. It hooks you from the start with the black screen and dialogue running over it, it's really intriguing, it really pulls the reader in. The flow of the story was very well done as well. The pace keeps up very well and it is easy to visualize the whole story as it unfolds. 

The moral at the end of the story is a bit unexpected, but very well done and made the story come around full circle, it gives a purpose and lesson to the script, basically making it more of a three dimensional story as opposed to a more two dimensional one. You aren't just entertained, you're also thinking, you're making the reader think on a different level than just donuts. There's a message in there for the daughter, that there's a partner out there for everyone. You feel almost satisfied when you find out there's more revolving around this donut, especially when the husband is revealed. It leaves you wondering about the relationship between the parents. 

Overall, the script is extremely enjoyable, it's light and has a great whimsical energy. It makes the reader really think as well. You feel the need to consider what the mom's story is truly about and then you're left trying to decode the relationship between the parents. Leaving the reader with those sort of questions and thoughts lingering is what makes a script truly worth reading. 

What do you think needs work? 

There are spots where the dialogue and description could improve. This script relies heavily on the dialogue. Even though you can tell that the daughter's additional comments to the story have a purpose, in that, they are trying to remind the reader that this is a bedtime story, sometimes the her comments are a little distracting. They take away from the plot. You already know from the beginning and from the mother's voice consistently throughout that this is a bedtime story. the addition of the daughter comments don't seem completely necessary in some sections. 

It would be interesting as well to see more of why certain people are choosing certain donuts, maybe their choice in donut could almost mirror the way someone chooses a mate. It's clever the section where the mother mentions being bitter and the daughter questions that. That use of foreshadowing is really great, you almost want to see more of it. You almost want to see it reflected in how each person is choosing their donut. 

Overall, it just needs to be cleaned up and refined a bit, the creativity and originality is definitely there. 

Please rate of a scale of ONE to TEN, with TEN being the highest:

STORY 

CHARACTERIZATION 

DIALOGUE 

DESCRIPTION 

CLARITY 

ORIGINALITY